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Is It A Bad Idea To Date Someone Who Watches Porn?

This is a huge question that our generation has to deal with.

Before the internet, it may have been possible for people to grow up and have relationships without either partner ever having seen porn, at least not on a regular basis. Unfortunately, with some exceptions, many people are now finding that those days are over.

For a lot of couples, it’s now more of question of when exposure to porn happened, instead of if. And when someone does see porn, what happens next? Do they continue watching it, or do they do something to move away from it?

Because of our generation’s active struggle with the issue of porn, lots of people wonder whether it’s a good idea to ever date someone who currently watches porn, or has watched porn in the past. It’s not an easy question—and different people in unique situations may come to different answers.

And while we struggle with the question of whether dating a porn viewer is a good idea, we can know a few things to help us out.

Porn Viewers Are People Too

First, while research is clearly showing us just how harmful porn us, it’s widely known how harmful it can be to feel excessive shame about anything—including watching porn.

Hold on—so what do we mean by shame anyway? Compared to accountability, empathy and remorse, which are all healthy aspects of relationships and help us grow as people when we struggle, shame is an experience of humiliation within community that can de-motivate and discourage growth.

One take-away then is this: While it’s unhealthy to watch pornography, and life is much healthier without it, that doesn’t mean the person who watches it is “bad” or would automatically make a bad partner. It can be easy to villainize and condemn all porn viewers, regardless of how they started watching or why they continue to watch, but that would be unhelpful. This will sound super cliché, but we’re going to say it anyway—porn viewers are people, too. They’re your grocery store cashier, your best friend, your sibling, your classmate, your crush. They are people with great potential to be amazing partners. The truth is, defining their value as a partner as based solely on their experience with porn ignores who they are as people with character, a personality, and a heart.

Read More at Fight the New Drug.