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The Problem With Saying “I Would Never Date Someone With A Past Porn Struggle”

It’s no secret the normalization of porn is ongoing and everywhere and, as a result, lots of people watch porn. Couple that with the well-known dangers of watching porn and it can be easy (and lazy) to point the finger and make those who watch the ultimate villains.

But here’s the problem. For those who have struggled with compulsion or addiction to porn, labeling someone as being equal to their porn habit alone ignores who they are as people.
Someone with a past struggle is not their struggle. They are students and athletes, friends and mentors, kids and coworkers.

They are human. And like any human who struggles with any sort of addiction, they should not be judged solely by that addiction alone. While it’s unhealthy to watch pornography, and life is much healthier without it, that doesn’t mean the person who watches it is, or has watched it, “bad” or would automatically make a bad partner.

The question in need of asking is, what is that person’s attitude about their experience watching porn? Are they unhappy about it, or struggling with it? If so, are they doing anything to try and stop? Asking these questions helps eliminate judgment and fuel understanding, and give that person’s humanity back.

Love Triumphs Over Shame

Compared to accountability, empathy and remorse—all healthy aspects of relationships and help us grow as people when we struggle—shame can be an experience of humiliation within community that can de-motivate and discourage growth.

Self-inflicted shame only leads people to slip into a depressed funk which is the perfect breeding ground for more issues and more porn, if that’s what they’re struggling with. Compulsive behaviors and addictions thrive in this emotionally-toxic environment.

By removing shame, people facing this problem can take confidence in knowing they are fighting this along side millions of others who also would prefer a life without it. While recognizing that quitting porn can be a long process they can also take comfort in knowing that they’ve already started down that path toward long-term freedom. And you know what? That’s important, and worth something.

Encouragement is far more effective to keep someone moving towards freedom. Love seeks to restore, and depending on what feels right, maybe even to cheer them on in the recovery process. Watching porn isn’t good for viewers or their relationships, while love can be one of the best things that will help them break the cycle.

Read More at Fight the New Drug.