Layne PassMain

Moving Past Suicide

By: Layne Pass

As this nation continues on, there is an epidemic that has spread despite the best efforts to quench this wretched fire that has consumed many young people. This epidemic is looked at as a game by groups called Blue Whale, or promoted by shows like, “13 Reasons Why”, and modeled by the rich and famous. All the while, we as a nation continue to become divided within ourselves. This epidemic is suicide, and this is my personal fight with it.

When I was 13, I was a small boy, scrawny, unpopular, but not to the point where people didn’t know me. I went to a small school with 786 other students, and I was in the top 10% of my school. School was always easy, but defending myself wasn’t. I hung around the cool kids in my class, hoping to build friends that cared about me. That is certainly not a suggestion, most relationships built for progression through the system usually fail. I was bullied heavily, hiding bruises from my parents because I didn’t want to be a snitch.

It was at this point that I decided to kill myself. Now being intelligent, I wanted to make sure that I would succeed. I had known of friends who tried it a few times for fun, but this wasn’t for fun. It was a way out. It was my escape from the life that I wasn’t enjoying because this world spat in my face and left me to fall apart at the seams. I went to church, I had an amazing Pastor, good friends, and loving parents who raised me right and gave me everything they could. Yes, still I tried to kill myself.

The truth is that if I had not heard the voice of God, as I lay at the end of my bed, ready to end it all, I would not be writing this. “Don’t. You have so much to live for.” I simply didn’t understand this. Maybe a futuristic glimpse, stating my life would get better. Or a momentary view of my life at that very instant. In any case, I cried myself to sleep, and woke up different.

When I say I woke up different, it wasn’t that I was now this happy go lucky kid that all of the sudden who became a super star. I had put on a face for years, making people think I was happy. Sometimes my emotions leaked out as I wore them on my sleeve. People would sometimes ask if I was ok or getting sick. I had just shrugged it off, but now it was like a new hope. Like I was looking forward to something.

Now, when speaking of suicide attempts, comes the ugly side that most people experience yet many don’t discuss. Yes, suicide is ugly, but it is a product of depression. The truth is that depression is an even bigger epidemic, and many people don’t know how to deal with it. Some turn to drugs,both prescribed and otherwise, as well as things that do not fulfill the hole that has been left within. The truth is, however, that these are not the answer. There is only one answer to depression, and His name is Jesus.

I know what your thinking, how can Jesus cure my depression? It’s simple really, when broken down. Depression is a spirit, and by spirit, I mean a weapon of Satan to break down and hinder people. Suicide steps in when Satan knows that he can secure victory over you and solidify your place in Hell. 1 Peter 5:8 says, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:” Satan wants to destroy any hope you have. I know, I lived through the depression and desire for suicide. Depression doesn’t just go away, and anyone fighting it can attest to that. But take it from me, a man who has found the answer, you can overcome it. You are stronger than anything the enemy might throw at you. Stand up, and defend the life that you have. The news tells us of Kate Spade who had money, friends, and was well accomplished. Avicii was talented, brilliant, and rich. Robin Williams was loved by all and world renowned for making people laugh and smile. These people all had many things, but that didn’t solve their problem. God is the only solution. If you can’t talk to anyone because you feel ashamed, then just talk to God. Say God I need help, and find a church near you. My parents didn’t know I was hurting, nor my friends or my Pastor. But God did, and that is why I am here today. Live out the life you have, and always remember, you are strong enough to overcome it and achieve more.

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